We want to be happy. We want to enjoy life. So why do we fill the world with so many complaints?

Why Do We Like to Complain?

No one wants to feel that down in the mouth feeling they get when they find themselves in a sour mood. The muscles tighten up. The jaw clenches. The heart may even race. We carry a weight on our shoulders, only the weight is too often built on misconceptions and failed expectations.

The problem is we live in a society that thrives on complaining in some shape or form. Watching the nightly news alone is sure to bring out all sorts of bad feelings in people. The top stories usually emphasize abuse, crime, and tragedy.

Headlines get more clicks and reads when they trigger an emotional response, and in a capitalist society, more clicks mean more money. Unfortunately, studies have shown time and again that humans tend towards a negativity bias. This leads us to have a stronger reaction to negative rather than positive information. This may have been helpful in the caveman days, to promote survival of the fittest, but in modern day society, it is keeping our spirits down.

Types of Complaints

In simple terms, a complaint is an expression of a negative idea about a person, place or thing. Someone who talks about things they dislike is obviously complaining but other complaints may not be so easy to figure out. Not everything has to be spoken out loud to be a complaint and not every “no” is inherently bad.

Body Language: Body language sets the tone for a conversation. Someone with crossed arms may seem tense. Someone with limited eye contact may seem uninterested. People can maintain any number of postures while holding a perfectly normal conversation but is their body language saying something else?

Disposition: Not everyone has a personality sprinkled with glitter and rainbows. For example, some folks are naturally sarcastic and delight in their acerbic remarks. In many cases, they are simply trying to be funny, but in others, their comments may be a (sub)conscious way to complain. This could apply to any number of personality types.

News and Gossip: Sharing information is important and reporting on facts more so. It is how you learn, adapt, and grow. How you choose to share that news, however, is the real issue. There is a turning point when information becomes sensationalized or is twisted into gossip that criticizes others.

Saying No: In a world that constantly wants you to say yes, is saying no wrong? “Sure, kids, eat all the candy you want!” or “Yes, boss, I would love to take on all that extra work for less pay.” Some things simply are not in your best interest and saying yes can lead to unwanted consequences. Despite what people tell you, yes is not always positive.

Your Inner Voice: If you do not share your negative thoughts out loud, are you still complaining? It is like the tree that falls in the forest. Of course, it makes a sound when it falls, even if you do not hear it. The vibrations the tree triggers in its wake are very real. Likewise, if you think negative thoughts and keep them to yourself, it will echo in your mannerisms and behavior in time. The question is when.

Flipping Our Complaints

Complaints are not always black and white. Someone may not realize they are complaining. Others may not be complaining at all but you interpret it that way. The trouble is things are too often taken out of context. Sometimes how you react is what colors a situation, not the situation itself.

Turning off the negativity bias is not easy. The world can be a pretty negative place or so the media keeps telling us. That said, you can try to make our part of the world a better place by being aware the bias exists.

Try to find the best in a situation, or at least a spark of hope. Focus on things that make you happy. Be grateful for the things we have. Forgive. Meditate. Dream. Do these things one day at a time and build a positivity bias to fight those darker tendencies.

While not every situation has an obvious silver lining, you can try to flip negative news into positive news. You need to try to flip your complaints without flipping the bird. Will you join me?